Hi there, dreamers and deep thinkers,

Today, let’s chat about something my mother used to say whenever she witnessed someone behaving in a way that lacked, well, basic decency: “Some people have no couth.” She’d shake her head, disappointed but dignified, and it stuck with me. It wasn’t just about calling someone out—it was her way of upholding a standard, a quiet expectation for how people ought to carry themselves.

So, let’s unpack this old-school gem of a word—couth. What is it, why does it feel so rare, and most importantly, why does it still matter in a world that sometimes feels like it’s traded in its grace for the thrill of shock value?

What Is Couth, Anyway?

Couth is one of those words that feels almost forgotten, like a relic from a more polished time. By definition, it refers to being cultured, refined, or well-mannered. But it’s not just about etiquette or knowing which fork to use at dinner. Couth is deeper—it’s a blend of grace, awareness, and respect for others.

It’s the kind of quality that doesn’t need to announce itself. You don’t walk into a room saying, Look how couth I am! (That, ironically, would be the opposite of couth.) Instead, it’s in the way you treat people, the way you move through the world with a quiet confidence and consideration.

And yet, somewhere along the way, couth started slipping through the cracks of our collective consciousness. Maybe it got lost in the noise of a world that prizes speed and spectacle over subtlety and care.

My Mother’s Wisdom on Couth

When my mother shook her head and said, “Some people have no couth,” it wasn’t just about bad manners. It was about something deeper—a kind of spiritual misalignment, a failure to honor the shared humanity that binds us all.

She didn’t mean to belittle anyone (even though, let’s be honest, it could sting if you were on the receiving end of her remark). What she meant was that some people had forgotten, or perhaps never learned, how to show up in the world with grace.

It’s funny how some lessons from childhood stay with you, isn’t it? At the time, I didn’t fully understand what she meant. But now, as an adult, I see how vital couth is—not just for maintaining civility but for nurturing connections, healing misunderstandings, and creating spaces where everyone feels respected.

The Cost of Losing Couth

Think about the last time you scrolled through social media. Chances are, you saw at least one post or comment that made you cringe. Maybe it was someone being unnecessarily cruel, sharing too much personal drama, or just generally forgetting that they’re part of a larger community.

This is what happens when couth is absent:

• Disrespect becomes normalized. Without couth, people feel free to treat others poorly, often under the guise of “speaking their truth” or “keeping it real.”
• Connections suffer. When grace and tact go out the window, relationships erode. It’s hard to build trust or intimacy with someone who disregards basic social decency.
• The world feels colder. Couth isn’t just about individual behavior—it’s about creating an atmosphere of warmth and mutual respect. When it’s missing, that warmth is replaced by a kind of chilling detachment.

My mother saw this so clearly, and it’s why her words resonate with me to this day.

The Quiet Power of Being Couth

Here’s the thing about couth: it’s not loud or flashy. It doesn’t demand attention. But its impact is profound.

When someone embodies couth, they:

• Make people feel seen and valued. They listen, they care, and they respond with thoughtfulness.
• Diffuse tension. In moments of conflict, a person with couth knows how to de-escalate rather than inflame.
• Lead by example. Without saying a word, they inspire others to rise to the occasion, to be their best selves.

Couth is like a ripple in a pond—it starts small, but its effects spread far and wide.

How to Cultivate Couth in a Modern World

The good news? Couth isn’t some unattainable ideal. It’s a practice, a mindset, and anyone can cultivate it. Here’s how:

1. Practice Radical Awareness

Being couth starts with being aware—of yourself, of others, of the energy you’re bringing into a space. Ask yourself:

• Am I being considerate of the people around me?
• How might my words or actions affect others?

Awareness is like a muscle—the more you use it, the stronger it gets.

2. Pause Before You React

We live in a reactionary world, where everything feels urgent and immediate. But couth requires a moment of pause. Before you respond to a snarky comment or a frustrating situation, take a breath. Ask yourself:

• Is this response necessary?
• Does it align with the person I want to be?

Sometimes, the most couth thing you can do is say nothing at all.

3. Lead with Kindness

At its core, couth is about kindness. It’s about treating people with respect, even when they don’t “deserve” it. It’s about choosing empathy over judgment, generosity over pettiness.

Kindness doesn’t mean being a pushover. It means recognizing that everyone is fighting battles you can’t see and choosing to meet them with grace.

4. Embrace Humility

Couth isn’t about being perfect—it’s about being real. Part of that means owning up to your mistakes, apologizing when necessary, and always striving to do better.

Humility is the secret ingredient of couth. Without it, all the polished manners in the world won’t amount to much.

Why Couth Still Matters

In a world that often feels chaotic and disconnected, couth is a lifeline. It reminds us of our shared humanity, our capacity for kindness, and our ability to create beauty in the way we treat one another.

When I think about my mother’s words, I don’t hear judgment—I hear hope. Hope that we can all do better, that we can choose to show up in the world with grace, even when it’s hard.

And isn’t that what we all want? To feel seen, respected, and valued? To live in a world where kindness isn’t the exception but the norm?

A Tribute to My Mother’s Legacy

As I write this, I can’t help but think of my mother. She was the embodiment of couth—strong but kind, wise but humble, firm but fair. She taught me that being couth isn’t about putting on airs or pretending to be something you’re not. It’s about showing up as your best self, not for applause but because it’s the right thing to do.

Her legacy lives on in the small moments when I catch myself shaking my head at someone’s behavior and hearing her voice: “Some people have no couth.”

It’s a reminder to hold myself to a higher standard, to move through the world with the kind of grace and dignity she always showed.

Stay Couth, Stay Connected

So, dear reader, I leave you with this: Let’s bring couth back. Let’s make it cool again. Not because it’s trendy, but because it’s necessary. Because the world needs more people who care, who listen, who lead with kindness and humility.

And if you ever find yourself slipping, just remember my mother’s words. Sometimes, a little shake of the head and a quiet resolve to do better is all it takes to course-correct.

Stay curious, stay couth, and as always, thank you for being here.

With love,

April