Hi there, dreamers and deep thinkers,

Grief is an intensely personal experience. It’s like a fingerprint—no two people grieve the same way, even if they’ve experienced the same loss. Yet, so many of us find ourselves wondering: Am I grieving “correctly”? Am I grieving enough? Too much? These questions aren’t uncommon, but they often stem from one thing: doubt. Let’s unpack that together.

Grief Doesn’t Have a Rulebook

Grief isn’t linear, and it doesn’t follow a neat timeline. You may have heard of the “five stages of grief” (denial, anger, bargaining, depression, acceptance). While helpful as a framework, these stages aren’t a checklist or a map. It’s perfectly normal to feel acceptance one day and anger the next—or even to skip a stage entirely.

Society, unfortunately, doesn’t make it easy. We live in a fast-paced world where productivity is often valued more than healing. If you’ve felt rushed to “move on” or guilted into feeling like you’re dwelling too much, you’re not alone. The truth? Grief has no expiration date.

What Does “Grieving Correctly” Even Mean?

The idea of grieving “correctly” suggests there’s some universal standard. But how could there be? Grief is as unique as the love you shared with the person you’ve lost.

Ask yourself:

• What feels authentic to me? Are tears cathartic, or does journaling feel more helpful? Maybe silence is what you need right now.
• Am I honoring my emotions? Suppressing grief to meet societal expectations can lead to emotional bottlenecks. It’s okay to feel deeply.
• Am I taking care of myself? This doesn’t mean you have to be perfect. Self-care might simply look like drinking water or taking a short walk.

If you’re grieving in a way that feels true to your emotions, you are grieving “correctly.”

Grieving “Enough” – A False Measure

Some people worry they’re not grieving “enough,” especially if they aren’t crying every day or feel moments of happiness. But healing isn’t a betrayal of the person you lost—it’s part of honoring them.

Remember, the way you grieve is influenced by many factors:

• Your relationship: The depth and complexity of your connection shape how you process loss.
• Cultural norms: Some cultures encourage public expressions of mourning, while others emphasize stoicism.
• Your coping mechanisms: Whether you lean into creative outlets, spiritual practices, or therapy, there’s no right or wrong way to process grief.

Grief isn’t a competition or a performance. It’s a reflection of love and loss, and both can exist quietly as well as loudly.

Permission to Feel—Whatever That Means for You

It’s okay if your grief doesn’t look like someone else’s. It’s okay if some days you feel functional and other days you feel crushed. It’s okay to laugh again, to cry unexpectedly, or to simply feel numb. None of these states diminish your love or loss.

Consider this: Grief isn’t just about the person you’ve lost. It’s also about how you live with their absence. Healing doesn’t mean forgetting; it means finding a way to carry them forward—whether in memories, traditions, or quiet moments of reflection.

Seeking Support When You Need It

Grieving alone can feel like wandering through a fog. Support systems, whether they’re friends, family, or a therapist, can help light the path. Here are some ways to find comfort:

• Community: Talking to others who’ve experienced loss can be profoundly validating. Support groups, online forums, or even a close friend can make a difference.
• Creative outlets: Writing, painting, or even gardening can provide a safe space for expression.
• Professional help: Therapy isn’t just for when you’re “stuck.” It’s a compassionate space to process and grow.

A Gentle Reminder: Be Kind to Yourself

You don’t have to “get over” grief. It’s not something to conquer; it’s something to coexist with. It’s okay to ask questions and seek clarity, but don’t let doubt overshadow your journey. You are grieving in the way that’s right for you—because there’s no other way it could be.

So, let me remind you: You are doing enough. You are feeling enough. And in your own unique, sacred way, you are healing.

Take it one moment, one breath, one step at a time. Grief is not a sign of weakness—it’s a testament to the love you carry. Let that love guide you forward.

Remember, it’s not about grieving “correctly” or “enough.” It’s about allowing yourself to feel, to heal, and to hold space for both the pain of loss and the beauty of love.

Stay strong friends, stay curious.

With love,

April

Cognitive Psycho

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For more on healing, grief, and finding peace after loss, explore the “Hollow Spaces: Life After Loss” series on Cognitive Psycho.

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