Self-esteem is such a peculiar thing, isn’t it? It’s like holding a mirror up to yourself and seeing a reflection that sometimes glows and sometimes distorts, depending on the angle of light—or maybe the mood of the day. For me, self-esteem is both a comfort and a puzzle. I genuinely like myself. I love who I am. I know I’m a good person. I even think I’m interesting—fascinating, really. But here’s the rub: other people don’t always seem to agree.

I don’t blame them. I know I’m not what you’d call “fun” in the traditional sense. I don’t light up a room with bubbly energy or charm people with lighthearted banter. Small talk, in particular, feels like trying to paddle a canoe in ankle-deep water: futile and frustrating. The weather, weekend plans, surface-level chatter—it bores me to tears.

What I crave is connection. Real connection. I want to dive straight into the depths of another person’s soul. I want to hear their dreams—their wild, impossible dreams. I want to know about their nightmares, the shadows that keep them awake at night. I want to skip past the pleasantries and find the heart of what makes them them.

And let me tell you, this intensity can be… off-putting. People aren’t always ready for that kind of deep dive. They look at me like I’ve just asked for their bank PIN instead of their thoughts on the meaning of life. It’s not that I don’t understand why—it’s a big ask, especially in a world that runs on pleasantries and politeness. But it leaves me feeling like I’m not quite built for casual connections, like I’m a person meant for a smaller, quieter, and perhaps lonelier tribe.

The Holistic View: Why Depth Isn’t a Fault

Here’s what I’ve come to understand, though, after years of wrestling with this dynamic: the way I connect with the world isn’t wrong. It’s just different. Some of us are made for the deep waters, for the soul-level conversations that others might avoid because they’re too raw, too real, or too vulnerable.

Carl Jung wrote about the concept of individuation, the journey of becoming one’s true self. For people like us—those who live for depth—that journey often involves stepping away from the crowd, accepting that not everyone will “get” us, and embracing the richness of our inner world. And that’s okay. Not everyone is meant to resonate with our frequency, but those who do? They’re our people.

I’ve also found solace in the philosophy of existentialism, which reminds us that we define our own meaning. If I choose to value soul-level conversations over surface-level interactions, then I’m living authentically. I’m living true to my essence.

Reframing the Self-Esteem Narrative

So, what does this mean for self-esteem? For me, it’s about redefining what “likability” and “fun” even mean. It’s not about whether I fit into the world’s mold of what’s entertaining or approachable. It’s about whether I’m being true to who I am and offering the kind of connection that I find meaningful.

It also means recognizing that people aren’t rejecting me when they shy away from depth—they’re just choosing a different kind of interaction. That’s their choice, not a reflection of my worth.

Finding the Right Connections

Over time, I’ve started to find people who meet me in the depths, who light up when I ask about their wildest dreams instead of their weekend plans. They’re rare, but they exist. And those relationships? They’re pure gold.

I’ve also learned to give myself grace. I won’t always click with everyone, and that’s okay. I’m learning to appreciate the surface-level interactions for what they are—little ripples on the water—and save my energy for the ones who are ready to dive deep.

So, if you feel this way too—like you’re not quite built for the shallow end—know this: you’re not alone. There’s beauty in living life deeply, even if it means fewer people swim alongside you. Keep being you. Keep asking the big questions and seeking the soul-level connections. The world needs more of that, even if it doesn’t always realize it. And in the end, the relationship you build with yourself—the way you honor your depth and your truth—is the most important connection of all.

Stay deep, stay curious.

April

Cognitive Psycho

Do you ever feel like you’re swimming in the deep end of life, searching for those soul-level connections? Share your thoughts in the comments, or let’s start a conversation about embracing our unique ways of connecting. Your story might just inspire someone else to dive a little deeper.