Hi there, dreamers and deep thinkers,
When someone we love is gone, the world seems to tilt off its axis. We find ourselves spinning in a storm of memories, grief, and unanswered questions. Amid the noise, one thought tends to rise above the rest: “What would they want me to do now?”
This question isn’t just about honoring their wishes—it’s about finding a path forward. It’s about living in a way that both honors their memory and fosters your healing.
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A Holistic Understanding of “Now”
Grief is not linear, and neither is life after loss. When we ask what they’d want for us now, we’re reaching for clarity in a space where none exists. But perhaps the answer lies not in their voice but in the connection you shared with them.
Think of their essence—not just their words but their actions, values, and dreams. What did they teach you? What brought them joy? What did they hope for you, even before you lost them?
This isn’t a simple process. Grief clouds our ability to hear, see, and feel clearly. But with patience and compassion, you can uncover the wisdom they left for you.
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What They’d Likely Want for You
While no two relationships are the same, many truths about love transcend individual experiences. Here are a few possibilities:
1. They’d Want You to Keep Living Fully
Loss often makes us retreat inward, paralyzed by sorrow. But those who love us deeply don’t want us to stay frozen in pain. They’d want you to laugh, explore, and embrace life, even if it feels impossible right now.
Living fully doesn’t mean forgetting them. It means carrying their memory with you while continuing to grow and thrive.
2. They’d Want You to Be Kind to Yourself
Grief is heavy, and it’s easy to get caught up in “what ifs” and self-blame. But would they want you to dwell on guilt, or would they want you to treat yourself with the same love they gave you?
Let yourself rest. Let yourself feel. Let yourself heal.
3. They’d Want You to Honor Them in Your Own Way
Whether it’s through a small ritual, a creative endeavor, or simply speaking their name aloud, honoring their memory is a deeply personal act. It doesn’t need to be grand or public—it just needs to feel right for you.
Perhaps they’d want you to share their favorite stories with others, or maybe they’d prefer you to quietly carry their values into your daily life. Whatever form it takes, let it bring you peace.
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A Path Forward
It’s easy to focus on what you’ve lost, but there’s also something enduring in this space of grief: your love for them. That love doesn’t end because they’re no longer physically present.
Reflection Exercise
Try this: Sit quietly and imagine them speaking to you. What would they say? What would their advice sound like?
You may find that their message is simpler than you expect:
“Take care of yourself.”
“Be happy.”
“Do the things we always talked about.”
Let these words be your guide. Write them down, repeat them when needed, and allow them to shape your days.
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Finding Comfort in Connection
In moments of deep loss, we often feel isolated. But remember, others have walked this path before you, and many are walking it now.
Reach out. Share your story. Read about others’ experiences. Grief shared is grief lightened, even if only slightly. And as you navigate this new chapter, know that the love you shared continues to exist—in your memories, your actions, and your heart.
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Moving With, Not Away From, Your Grief
You don’t have to “move on.” You can move with your grief, carrying the love and lessons they gave you into the future. They’d want you to live boldly, to find joy in the small things, and to seek meaning in this transformed world.
As you ask yourself, “What would they want me to do now?” listen not just with your mind but with your heart. The answers are there, waiting patiently in the hollow spaces they left behind.
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You are not alone. And though their physical presence is gone, their love remains—steady, unwavering, and forever yours.
Stay strong friends, stay curious.
With love,
April
Cognitive Psycho
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For more on healing, grief, and finding peace after loss, explore the “Hollow Spaces: Life After Loss” series on Cognitive Psycho.
